It’s a HomePod.
It’s a Furby.
It’s absolutely terrifying.
Bloomberg reports that OpenAI is building a portable smart speaker. No screen. Just vibes, algorithms, and an unsettling amount of mechanical expressiveness. The device is meant to be a household companion. It talks back. It moves. It watches.
Standard smart speakers are useful appliances. They play songs. They set timers. They answer the weather question without judging you for asking.
This isn’t about utility.
OpenAI wants the device to have a personality. Specifically, it wants to be endearing. To do that, it’s using moving parts to gesture. To react. To feel “humanlike.” Think of it as the physical embodiment of ChatGPT. It will control appliances and answer emails like any other device on the market, but it will try to make friends with you while it does it.
“A physical manifestation of OpenAI’s ChatTo make itself useful it needs your data. Lots of it. The speaker reportedly accesses email, camera feeds, and sensors. It learns your habits. It anticipates what you want before you ask.
It sounds helpful.
It also sounds like a panopticon designed by people who forgot that privacy matters.
We knew this was coming.
OpenAI bought Jony Ive’s startup io last year. The design firm behind the original iPhone. The WSJ leaked details back then, revealing plans for a screenless device intended to surveil its users and their environments.
OpenAI wanted a device that was fully aware of your life.
Unobtrusive.
Always there.
“In one’s pocket or on one’s desk.”
Now Bloomberg’s sources confirm the original fear. Constant surveillance is the feature, not the bug. OpenAI reportedly wants to ship 10000000 of these things. They imagine it as the third pillar of tech consumption. After your Mac. After your phone. Sitting on your desk, judging your work ethic while simultaneously offering unsolicited help.
Is convenience worth handing over your digital soul?
That’s the question OpenAI hopes you never really answer because by the time you think to ask the speaker will already be waiting.
The parent company of this article, Mashable, just sued OpenAI for copyright infringement. That doesn’t stop them from reporting on it, though.
Just gives you more reason to keep the curtains drawn. 🚩
